Have you ever heard members say
“It was so hard, but it made me so grateful for our Savior!”
“Everyone was moved to tears!”
“There was not a dry eye in the audience!”
Well my friends,
Let me introduce you to
“Divine Trauma Bonding.”
Members of the church are no strangers to struggle.
The church purposefully creates difficult environments for its members in which they need to overcome;
Think trek.
Girls camp.
Stories of being “forged by fire.”
The Church LOVES a good struggle story.
Because when you struggle,
You reach out for help.
And who is there to help catch you when you fall, in these church-made situations and scenarios?
The church.
“Yeah that was hard; wasn’t it?”
“But guess what! We’re here! GOD is here! And He will catch you when you fall!”
“…even though we are the ones who put you through all of that in the first place!”
“Rely on the abuser!”
“Trust the one who puts you in these horrible situations to also be the one to rely on!”
“Learn to love the pain God puts you through!”
“Bond with your abuser!”
“God loves you! He loves you enough to hurt you and put you through trials! To strengthen you!”
Does that not sound like an abusive husband who tells his wife,
“I love you, and that’s why I hurt you. To teach you. To help you grow.”
“That’s why I hurt you.”
“You understand; don’t you?”
“You understand why I had to hurt you?”
Think of trek.
“Look how hard this was.”
“Imagine how much harder this would be without God.”
“We NEED God to get through these hard things!!”
“…these hard things we put you through in the first place! To foster your love and appreciation for the church; for God!”
“We are nothing without God!”
“Be grateful to God for saving you! For sending his Son who died FOR YOU!”
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2011/10/you-matter-to-him?lang=eng
Telling someone that another person felt all of their sins and pains and quite literally BLED AND DIED for them…
is abusive.
It’s emotional manipulation
to gain the compliance of an individual.
To make a person feel as though they owe themselves to a divine being; to feel as though they are forever in the debt of another.
How is that not abusive?
“You can’t save yourself. You’re incapable alone. You need a savior. You need a God.”
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/gospel-topics/atonement-of-jesus-christ?lang=eng
Just like an abusive boyfriend,
Who says
“You can’t trust yourself. You can’t do things on your own. You aren’t fully capable without me.”
“See? You’ll fail without me. You need me. You can’t survive without me.”
See the similarities yet?
“Show me you love me.”
“Prove to me that you love me by X, Y, Z.”
“You don’t love me if you don’t X, Y, Z.”
“I can’t love you fully if you aren’t respecting and listening to me and what I want from you.”
Withdrawing love,
If a person is “un-compliant.”
And yet,
People don’t see this as emotionally abusive?
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2003/02/divine-love?lang=eng
The evidence of “divine trauma bonding” is obvious.
Claiming that hard things tie you to your God.
When in all reality, it was that God who put you through all of that pain in the first place.
Under the guise of “it’s to teach you a lesson! To strengthen you!” Etc.
Now we aren’t saying that life should be easy.
It isn’t!!
Heaven knows life is NOT inherently easy!
But to tell people they cannot save themselves;
That they are incapable without someone else saving them?
THAT is emotional abuse.
Let’s take “Trek” for example.
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/learn/trek?lang=eng
Trek is where youth and church leaders spend a week or so out in the wilderness pushing and pulling heavy-ass handcarts,
only being permitted a bucket to bring fresh clothes and underwear in,
and experiencing hunger and being deprived of full food meals
to “gain appreciation” for their pioneer ancestors.
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/learn/trek?lang=eng
Because it’s not enough to just TEACH it’s members about their ancestors;
Church members actually have to go out and EXPERIENCE that suffering.
Why?
To make them physically feel the pain and exhaustion
So that they will turn to the church when things get hard.
So that members will learn to rely on the church. So members will learn to rely on God.”
So that members can have it more deeply engrained into them that they cannot save themselves;
That they need the church To save them.
That to get through life, they need the church to lean on.
To teach members they are incapable, without the church’s influence in their lives.
Incapable without their church’s God.
Creating a permanent “divine trauma bond” between the church, its members, and it’s God.
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2006/11/that-they-might-know-thee?lang=eng
“Rely on me.”
“Rely on us.”
“You can’t rely on yourself.”
“Be grateful to have been saved.”
The church places its members in purposefully difficult situations so that they become grateful for what the church gives them.
“We will deprive you of a full meal on trek so you become grateful for the bishop’s storehouse.”
“We will deprive you of all outside “worldly” things so you become grateful for the church things, faith and the God that you have in your life.”
“Wow that sucked. Doesn’t that make the gospel feel like something to be that much more thankful for?”
https://religiousharmrecovery.com/religious-trauma-bonds/
These experiences teach that pain is love.
And that leaving, would be foolish.
https://religiousharmrecovery.com/religious-trauma-bonds/
When people suffer,
They reach out for help.
And many religions abuse this human need for help.
And they get people to rely on religions. On churches. On organizations.
So much so, that the members allow themselves to be financially exploited into paying tithing to the church in order to qualify for eternal exaltation and entrance into the “highest level of heaven.”
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2011/10/you-matter-to-him?lang=eng
Suffering in religion is equated with holiness.
With divinity.
And so members accept the abuse willingly.
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/19?lang=eng
https://religiousharmrecovery.com/religious-trauma-bonds/
Just take a look at Trek’s infamous “women’s pull.”
https://news-au.churchofjesuschrist.org/article/pushing-and-pulling-their-way-to-courage
The women’s pull takes all of the men away from the women,
And the women have no choice but to pull those heavy-ass carts all on their own,
Up massive hills alone.
What does this teach?
That the women must see how much more they will struggle without the men in their lives. Without their priesthood.
Without their authority.
It teaches that women need to rely on the men. On the priesthood.
On the church.
And paints men as the “saviors” when they run down to help the women once given the word.
So not only does trek create trauma bonds between its church members and the church itself, and their god…
But it also reinforces the idea that women must rely on and need the men, the leaders of the church,
in their lives to fully succeed.
And the horror stories are endless.
https://news-au.churchofjesuschrist.org/article/pushing-and-pulling-their-way-to-courage
Why does a religion have to use physical exhaustion,
Hunger,
And pain
To reinforce the faith of its members?
How do members not see the abusive tactics and manipulations that the church uses
To get them to stay?
How has someone not been called yet, about these abusive rituals and situations the church puts its youth through?
Do you know what Trek reminds us of?
Abusive youth wilderness retreat programs.
https://news-au.churchofjesuschrist.org/article/pushing-and-pulling-their-way-to-courage
Have you ever wondered why it is so hard for members of the church to leave?
Why they stay despite the horrible rhetoric they teach regarding the lgbtq+, financial abuse, unpaid labor, etc?
https://www.helpguide.org/mental-health/ptsd-trauma/trauma-bonding
It’s because of the intense emotional attachments the members experience inside the church.
Crying at testimony meeting after trekking for miles through the wilderness on low-food and energy.
The church manipulates members into believing that their tears are actually signs of their learned gratitude for what they have in their lives today.
That they are nothing without God.
That they can’t rely on their own self-worth and importance to carry themselves through.
And the members believe it.
It’s psychology.
And unfortunately…
it works.
Really well.
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2011/10/you-matter-to-him?lang=eng
But enough about trek.
That’s only one example.
Take a look at girls camp!
https://bycommonconsent.com/2006/05/23/true-stories-of-girls-camp/
Youth camps are no exception to the manipulative tactics of “divine trauma bonding.”
They do activities similar to trek.
“Walk through the woods blindfolded.”
“Don’t listen to the devil.”
Fear is used to keep the girls blindfolded-ly walking along the path,
Too scared to step off because they can’t see where they are going.
Isn’t that such a perfect simile for members of the church?
It reinforces that the church is “safe.”
To “stay on the path.”
“Where you’ll be safe.”
To rely on the church and their God.
And not to take the blindfold off and trust yourself,
Your OWN eyes.
The ones you were born with to use.
https://bycommonconsent.com/2006/05/23/true-stories-of-girls-camp/
It teaches youth and adults to trust the church;
Even when the evidence about the church tries to warn you of it’s dangers;
The patriarchy.
The sexism.
The hateful messages.
But just “trust the church!”
“Even if you feel uneasy about certain things”
“Just trust us!”
How would you feel about trusting a friend to watch your purse, knowing that they are a well-known kleptomaniac?
The church teaches you, from a young age,
To “fall into the arms of someone you absolutely despise.”
Quite a DANGEROUS life lesson to teach,
Is it not?
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/new-era/2018/07/courage-around-the-campfire?lang=eng
I remember bearing my testimony at countless girls camps growing up.
But it was never because I actually WANTED to bear my testimony.
In fact, I HATED testimony meetings; always dreaded it.
We would sit in a circle with the other young women of our ward.
And one by one,
Every girl would cry,
And share and testify of their faith and trust in God.
And there was always that awkward moment,
Where there was one girl left.
And no words were spoken;
But we sat there in silence until the final girl finally decided to share her testimony as well.
Pressured from being the last and only one to not have spoken.
I’ve been that girl.
And I’ve seen others be that girl.
And the pressure the church puts on its members to testify of God due to how it arranges its social constructs is highly effective.
It made us all, as young women, feel that if we didn’t cry,
If we didn’t testify of our faith in God that has grown since being at camp,
That something was wrong with us.
And so,
The experience forced a testimony out of each and every one of us.
Crying out of the fear of judgement, exclusion, and exhaustion from the week spent at camp sleeping in a tent.
From being away from your family for so long.
From being isolated and having a hard time making friends.
Not necessarily out of faith.
But the church makes you think it’s from faith,
From God.
And so that’s what your growing brain believes.
And you form that “divine trauma bond.”
Learn to rely on the church,
Emotionally connect yourself to it.
Learning to view the release of emotion you experience as the spirit of God finally bringing you comfort in pain.
And of course this isn’t just found in trek or girls camp.
This rhetoric is reinforced EVERY Sunday,
As members attend their sacrament meetings and bond with others who struggle
And end up in tears together.
Clinging to a belief in God as a coping mechanism for the natural pain of life.
And hey, I mean
Some people need that.
No shade.
The idea of death can be scary. And having an idea of the afterlife, of hope, can help manage that fear.
But it’s a coping mechanism.
And religions abuse it like no other.
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2006/11/that-they-might-know-thee?lang=eng
If one can equate finding a release from life’s pain to God,
People will never leave.
After all,
Life is FULL of pain.
And it’s easier to believe you are saved, comforted, and loved throughout your life struggles
To believe that you have been rescued by a Savior
Than acknowledge that life
Sometimes just sucks.
https://religiousharmrecovery.com/religious-trauma-bonds/
Not to mention,
If one is saved from their fears of the unknown regarding death,
They tend to cling to that savior.
No matter what or who it is.
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/bofm/alma/12?lang=eng
Life can be scary.
And the church jumps on the chance to use that fear to keep its members.
To keep people involved and contributing to their billion-dollar organization.
It’s never about religion.
Or one’s personal bond or relationship with God.
It’s about control.
–
And if you’re sitting here thinking,
“That’s not what it is; it’s the spirit!”
“We don’t starve kids on trek! They get fed!”
“Why would it be such a bad thing to rely on God in hard times?”
“But we CAN’T do it alone; we DO need divine help!”
“The whole purpose of this life was to come to earth and experience mortality and struggle!”
Then you’re missing the point.
And the church has it’s claws in you SO deeply,
That you don’t even see it.
–
Imagine shaming someone for leaving the church –
Because they don’t believe that teaching people not to trust themselves, and instead to rely on a church, organization, or unknown being instead, is healthy or safe.
