The “Progressive” culture of many LDS members today,
To be honest,
Kind of…
pisses us off.
Now hold on;
Let us explain.
One of our biggest pet peeves is hypocrisy.
And it’s not necessarily the members, but the CHURCH that’s full of it.
We don’t blame the members for “fence-sitting;”
We blame and despite the fact that it’s the Church that makes members feel as though they’re constantly have to “fence sit” and choose between their personal morals or church expectations.
Fun fact;
We decided to leave the church Before drinking coffee, not wearing our garments, trying a glass of wine, etc.
Because the church RAISED us to not be a “fence sitter.”
So I suppose, that’s one aspect of the church that has stuck with us.
But we also don’t blame the fence-sitters, either.
You have to understand;
We grew up being told that we can’t be lukewarm.
That we couldn’t be fence sitters.
That we couldn’t have our cake and eat it to.
It wasn’t an option for us to both be a part of the church, and be a fully “active” member.
It was THE CHURCH that taught us we couldn’t “pick and choose.”
But today?
It’s like “lukewarm” or “fence-sitting” members are accepted now, and somehow believe that they are still temple “worthy” and will obtain their celestial glory.
Now us??
We believe in personal autonomy.
We believe in making decisions on your coffee intake, what you wear, how to speak and act, based on your own perogative.
We actually agree with a lot of, apologies for the term, “jack Mormons,”
Because we believe that’s how religion should be;
Different for each individual who practices.
Not having to live by a singular set of rules, requirements, or levels.
BUT…
According to the Church??
There ARE sets of required rules, lists, and measures of how to be a fully “active” member in the church.
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2001/10/standing-tall?lang=eng
“I stay in the church but I disagree with the church’s lgbtq+ policies”
“I stay in the church but I still drink coffee”
“I stay in the church but I don’t wear my garments all the time”
“I stay in the church and I’m the main provider as the woman; my husband stays home with the kids!”
“I stay in the church but I don’t always pay my tithing.”
“I’m an active member of the church, and I have sex before marriage because it’s my body and my own autonomy; it’s between me and God.”
We have heard a LOT of current, modern-day Mormon members say the above phrases.
And to us;
It’s WILD that people believe that they can be such an “active member” of the church
While ALSO opposing the very things and doctrines it teaches.
This just goes to demonstrate the hypocrisy found within the church.
Let’s start with the first one.
1.) “I stay in the church, but I disagree with the church’s LGBT+ policies.”
First off;
You can’t disagree.
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/gospel-topics/same-sex-marriage?lang=eng
As an active member of the church,
You can’t disagree with what they teach.
https://newsroom.churchofjesuschrist.org/article/october-2019-general-conference-temple-recommend
To enter the LDS temple,
The very entrance that is a necessity to obtain the eternal blessings of salvation,
Something that is VERY important to an individual’s eternal salvation…
You have to “pass” these temple interview questions;
And, well…
Look at questions number 6 and 7.
You aren’t supposed to disagree with or oppose church teachings.
Us? WE are pro-lgbtq+.
In fact, I, the wife, am bisexual myself.
And so,
the church’s opposition to the lgbtq+ community is one of the big reasons I decided to leave.
I just could not stay in a church that was actively harming a community of people from fully engaging in the religion for the “sin” of love.
I could not answer “no” to temple recommend question #7.
So even if YOU disagree with what the church teaches…
According to the church, and their own interview questions,
You’re not SUPPOSED to disagree with them.
If you disagree with the church,
In their eyes?
You’re wrong.
If you’re saying “Well im an active member, but I disagree with them about their stance on the LGBTQ+ community…”
You’re wrong.
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/nt/matt/6?lang=eng
(At least, According to the church).
Let’s move on.
2.) “I stay in the church but I still drink coffee”
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/new-era/2019/08/vaping-coffee-tea-and-marijuana?lang=eng
If you drink coffee,
You are NOT temple worthy;
According to the church themself.
https://newsroom.churchofjesuschrist.org/article/october-2019-general-conference-temple-recommend
So while YOU might think that not drinking coffee in the church is a health suggestion;
It’s not.
Now us?
We don’t think there’s any harm in a religion having a recommended “code of health” for its members.
But the key word here is “recommended.”
We disagree with a mandatory, strict adherence to how one desires to treat their own bodies; one that hinges on one’s “worthiness” to be temple worthy;
it removes bodily autonomy; even if we agree that everyone should do their best to take care of their human bodies.
So we agree with church members who use their own bodily autonomy and make their own decisions regarding ir they drink coffee or not.
BUT…
According to the church,
It’s a REQUIREMENT to NOT drink coffee…
In order to get a temple recommend, enter the temple, and be considered “worthy.”
So NO;
You cannot drink coffee and still be a fully worthy and active member of the church.
You can’t say “I’m an active member but I still drink coffee!!”
Nope.
You’re wrong.
(According to the Church).
Let’s move on.
3.) “I stay in the church but I don’t wear my garments all the time”
Again..
The Temple question requirements…
https://newsroom.churchofjesuschrist.org/article/october-2019-general-conference-temple-recommend
As an active, full-fledged member of the church,
You can’t pick and choose when to wear the temple garment.
Wearing the garment day and night is a requirement for the church.
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/general-handbook/26-temple-recommends?lang=eng
So even if you, as an “active” member, decide that wearing your garments is between you and God;
You’re right…
To an extent.
But the CHURCH requires its members to wear the garment day and night.
So if you’re wearing short shorts and showing your stomach, and you’re choosing not to wear your garments? maybe modifying the garments a little to fit under slightly more revealing clothing?
You’re wrong.
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/temple-garment-faq
At least,
According to the Church itself.
So if you’re a member that’s saying “I’m an active member but I don’t wear my garments all the time! It’s just between me and God!”
You’re wrong!
According to the Church.
Moving on.
4.) “I stay in the church and I’m the main provider as the woman; my husband stays home with the kids!”
That’s great!!
And actually,
we believe that every single individual family unit has the inherent right to function the way that works best for each and every individual family.
But the church??
It disagrees.
The church blatantly states that the MAIN responsibility of women is to be responsible for the nurture of their children.
So sure, women of the church;
Seek your career. Get educated. Become a bread winner.
But according to the church?
Being a stay at home mother is your gendered responsibility.
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2008/04/daughters-of-god?lang=eng
So if you’re living life where you, as the woman,
Are not being the primarily responsible party in caring for and raising your children?
You’re wrong.
According to the Church.
You can’t say “Well I’m an active member and I’m the bread winner; my husband does most of the childcare!”
Because again;
According to the Church?!
You’re wrong.
Moving on.
5.) “I stay in the church but I don’t always pay my tithing.”
Again…
Temple recommend qualification questions…
https://newsroom.churchofjesuschrist.org/article/october-2019-general-conference-temple-recommend
As an active member of the church,
You can’t NOT pay your tithing…
Unless you’re lying to your bishop.
Tithing is a church requirement that gets you a temple recommend, which gets you temple admittance, which gets you ordinance access, which gets you to the Celestial Kingdom in Heaven.
Tithing in the Mormon church is NOT optional…
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2013/03/our-law-of-tithing?lang=eng
Now we strongly disagree with Religious organizations making tithing a requirement to have access to temple “blessings” and access to the highest heaven of the celestial kingdom.
We think donating first-hand to a charity of your choice would be better than giving that 10% to the church, actually.
Your money should be under your ownership;
It should not be so heavily controlled by a religious organization in exchange for promises of “eternal salvation.”
In fact, we like when members practice bodily autonomy and don’t give their money to the church.
BUT…
If you’re an active member,
who claims that you’re still a very much so active member,
who doesn’t pay their tithing;
You’re wrong.
According to the Church.
And lastly.
6.) “I’m an active member of the church, and I have sex before marriage because it’s my body and my own autonomy; it’s between me and God.”
YES!
It is YOUR BODY,
And YOUR PERSONAL AUTONOMY!
That is a statement we cannot stress enough!
BUT…
The church…?
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/gospel-topics/chastity?lang=eng
The church disagrees with your use of your bodily autonomy.
It is one of the church’s most “serious” sins…
At least,
In their eyes…
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/gospel-topics/chastity?lang=eng
According to the church,
Your body is NOT your own to use…
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2001/09/ye-are-the-temple-of-god?lang=eng
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2001/09/ye-are-the-temple-of-god?lang=eng
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2005/07/the-body-a-sacred-gift?lang=eng
It’s the same thing with self-discovery and self-pleasure –
(According to the church…)
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/gospel-topics/chastity?lang=eng
And if you do?
No temple recommend.
No temple admittance.
No eternal salvation.
https://newsroom.churchofjesuschrist.org/article/october-2019-general-conference-temple-recommend
So if you claim to be an active church-going member of the LDS church that is still able to “fully” participate as a “worthy” member,
While at the same time engage in self-pleasure or pre-marital sex…
You’re wrong.
According to the Church.
And, finally; let’s do a
BONUS TOPIC!!!
Tattoos.
7.) “I’m a fully active member of the church and I get tattoos!”
Let’s see what the stance is on tattoos today…
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/gospel-topics/tattooing?lang=eng
The church is really subtle with this one nowadays.
https://faq.churchofjesuschrist.org/can-mormons-have-tattoos
Back in the day, the church’s policy about tattoos was a little more…
Blunt.
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2001/09/ye-are-the-temple-of-god?lang=eng
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/new-era/2014/02/think-before-you-ink?lang=eng
https://www.sltrib.com/religion/2025/08/04/how-lds-views-tattoos-are-changing/
https://catalog.churchofjesuschrist.org/assets/2594b39c-bbb7-472d-9e24-285e7379b894/0/12?lang=eng
And if you think you’re an exception to the rules due to your culture, or important heritage…
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/new-era/2014/02/think-before-you-ink?lang=eng
Not even very significant and important cultural practices are except from the Church’s rules regarding tattoos;
But that’s no surprise, seeing as the LDS church is white-race based;
Blind to the importance or gravity of depth of other cultures and races.
Wanting every member to adhere to “white standards.”
So although the church today has lightened up on its verbiage,
Its stance on tattoos?
Still the same.
So although WE think you should have the bodily autonomy to choose whether or not to get tattoos, how to look, etc…
The church doesn’t agree.
Remember…
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2001/09/ye-are-the-temple-of-god?lang=eng
So if you’re an “active” member of the church who still gets tattoos…
You’re wrong!
According to the Church.
.
Our hearts break for those “active” LDS members who are proclaiming “I’m an active member BUT…!”
Because we see members who have good hearts,
Who believe in bodily autonomy,
Who believe in love no matter how it looks,
Who believe in financial autonomy,
Who believe in true equality,
Who believe in self expression and art;
And we see these members confined into the box of the church;
Expected to adhere to the same rules, regulations and “strict obedience” as everyone else…
https://www.byui.edu/speeches/strict-obedience
It breaks our hearts because we see the personal morals of LDS members constantly in battle with the opposite things that the church teaches.
Morals vs. Religous Expectations.
Having to choose between the two is a war in itself.
But the church expects members to push aside their disagreements about lgbtq+ individuals and love,
And instead adhere to the church’s religious expectations.
After all;
The members don’t want to lose their eternal salvation or family members,
They don’t want to lose their “priesthood authority” or “blessings” that the church has promised them.
And so they sit;
Stuck
On the fence between the Church and their own personal morals and beliefs.
And it’s devastating to see these members at war with themselves.
A good friend once casually stated years ago,
“If the religion doesn’t align with your belief systems, you can leave!”
“You can leave!”
“You CAN leave!”
I’m going to say that again;
You
CAN
leave.
And live the life of a belief system that properly aligns with your morals and values.
Life isn’t linear.
There isn’t ONE way to do it “right.”
There isn’t any way to know which of all the 100’s of religions out there is actually the “right one,” despite their many claims.
You CAN leave.
You CAN change your mind.
You CAN live a life that’s more aligned with your personal morals and values.
You CAN.
You CAN.
You CAN.
We took that good friend’s advice that she unknowingly gave me those years ago…
And we’ve never looked back since.
–
Imagine shaming someone for leaving the church –
Because they hate how the church pits a person’s own morals and values against church teachings and doctrines and makes it so that many members have to feel like they’re constantly at war within themselves and their inherent-born human empathy, compassion, and sense of justice and equality.
