The LDS church is notorious for claiming that the only way to “true” joy,
Is
Of course
The church.
It’s kind of ironic, though…
To claim that “enduring” joy, or aka “forever lasting joy,”
Takes enduring the gospel.
This quite literally teaches that true joy is obtained through pain, suffering, and “endurance” of the church and its gospel teachings.
Pain = Joy
Suffering = Joy.
What does this teach those who are abused?
That their pain and suffering is “for their own good?”
That pain and suffering equates holiness and “joy?!”
It’s one of the most manipulative Religous teachings out there,
And one of the ones we hate the most.
The church quite literally makes the blatant claim that those who live outside of the church and gospel standards cannot have lasting (as they call it) “worldly” happiness.
The church calls those of us outside of the church and our own personally-found joy and experiences “…old…decay…wear out…become stale…”
And yet,
It would be offensive of those of us who are outside of the church to tell active-going members that their “joy” is “fake…performative…toxic positivity…unhealthy…ignores other emotions…” etc.
So why is it okay for the church to tell those who are not a part of it,
That their joy…
…is never going to last??
What a hurtful thing to say to the people you’re trying to bring back into the church.
It yet again is another circumstance in which the church invalidates the emotions and experiences of those who have left.
Our joy is not decaying.
Our joy is NOT a “Hollow substitute” in comparison to active church-goers.
Imagine if we said that same thing to active church-goers??
Told active members that their “joy” is nothing but a coping mechanism that shoves down all other emotions and creates emotional stunting.
We can’t say things like that to church members,
Because it’s offensive to them.
But us??
Apparently it’s okay for the church to talk about US that way…
And it’s deemed “okay…”
It seems like the church forgets…
A lot of us ex-members??
We lived our ENTIRE lives experiencing the “everlasting joy” that the church has to offer.
The big “forever joy” that they claim only the Gospel can give people.
And we…
Really…
…truly believed in it, too!
Genuinely believed what they taught about “everlasting joy.”
Until…
We actually left the church.
And all of a sudden…
We had MORE long-lasting joy
Than we had ever had within the church.
Despite what the church had taught us for 20+ years of our lives regarding only being able to truly find lasting joy in the gospel/church…
Living within the church had brought us nothing but torment;
Constantly agonizing over our sins, repenting daily, trying our best to be “perfect;” breaking our backs upholding callings and extra assignments, spending our weekends as temple workers and attendees, cleaning the church buildings…praying five times a day and trying so hard not to leave anything out. Adhering to a strict church-attendance schedule. Constantly shelving out doubts regarding the church doctrines and teachings and forcing ourselves to believe what the church was saying…scared of leaving because the church threatened us with their doctrines of being cut off from our loved ones in the afterlife if we left.
It was exhausting. Complicated. Messy. Draining.
It was anything but “joyful.”
And trust us,
We tried so damn hard to FOCUS on the “JOY” aspect of our lives…
Focus on the “happy” doctrines the church teaches…
Just as the husband of this blog page. He was insanely indoctrinated into the “toxic positivity” aspect of the church,
Which made his emotional growth stunted and he now has to attend therapy for it.
We had a very, very hard time feeling like we had any type of long-lasting, eternal “joy” in the church.
The doctrines were mixed with hypocrisy and controversy,
History and modern teachings didn’t add up…
The constant self-contradictions in church gospel teachings…
Again…
It was anything but joyful.
So despite what the church says about only being able to “feel joy beyond anything the world can offer…” in the church…
We found evidence of the complete opposite.
We found a state of contentment and peace that isn’t based on our circumstances…
We found continuous peace and contentment in the belief of “no one truly knows;”
We found continuous peace and contentment in being able to live freely the way we desire without crushing guilt and believing ourselves to be sinners…
We found continuous peace and contentment in believing in ourselves and our own spiritual powers and abilities…
We found continuous peace and contentment without fearing a familial separation in the afterlife because we didn’t follow a specific set of rules.
We found continuous peace and long-lasting contentment and joy…
Outside
of the church.
Something the church stated can only be found in it.
Our lives became less complicated.
We no longer had to constantly internally battle our “doubts” about religious doctrines being taught.
We no longer had to commit such an intense and excessive amount of free labor to a billion dollar church.
We no longer concerned ourselves over the mysteries of the universe and instead, found long lasting peace in accepting that no one knows anything,
Found freedom in shaking off the chains of the restraining belief of a specific set of outlined rules for how to live life.
Yes;
Our lives became far less complicated…
Once we LEFT the church.
We found ourselves feeling more fulfilled in engaging in service and help to others, done out of the goodness of our hearts rather than religious obligation and guilt.
We found ourselves feeling more fulfilled in our marriage, as we focused more on the present; on our friends, on what makes us happy; on each other. Rather than worrying about if we were following all the rules and stressing about an alleged life after death.
And yes,
We found ourselves much,
MUCH
Happier…
Outside the church.
We now live in a state of being where our belief system is centered on helping others just because we’re all human trying to live this human life; not because God told us to.
We now live in a healthier state of well-being, where not attending church or having religious demands has allowed us more time and freedom to focus on our physical health; getting into a regular schedule of fitness, meal prepping, and self care.
We work with people as social workers.
We engage in assisting the homeless, addicts, children that need homes.
We experience a continuous, deep sense of meaning and satisfaction working and volunteering with people who were given a shitty start at life and don’t know what to do, where to go;
We witness the adoptions of children who were raised in a home of neglect and abuse.
We watch as homeless teenagers become self-sufficient as they get their first job, and get accepted into college; something they never imagined for themselves.
We see immigrant families reunite with one another.
We live a life that is full of deep, deep meaning and satisfaction.
We live a very fulfilling life;
A very full, and beautiful life;
We live a good, kind life.
And for the church to tell the lie to its active members that we don’t?
Bullshit.
We no longer do “good” things or live a “good” life just because “God told us to;”
Or because we were scared of any sin being on our heads,
Or just because it was religiously and socially expected of us.
No.
We do good things and live a good life
Because we want to be good people.
We don’t need religion to have our own morals.
We love others because life is hard anyways.
And we could all use some love and a helping hand.
We don’t live life like it’s a “test” to “pass,” or because we are “proving” to God that we’ll do what “he commands us.”
We do it
For the pure sake
Of just being good people.
And we have the freedom to do it without the boxed borders of organized religion.
Without being told to disagree with lgbtq+ individuals.
Without having to give 10% of every paycheck to the church to be considered “worthy” of a temple recommend.
We do it freely.
Unconstrained.
Without being monitored regarding our “good works” and “worthiness.”
We just…
Are.
So sure, Mormon church.
Tell people that our joy is “fleeting and temporary.”
Tell your members that our assistance in helping children get out of abusive homes does not bring as much joy as attending church or reading your Book of Mormon.
Tell your members that our joy in helping and watching a child get adopted into a loving home is not as long-lasting of a joy as singing hymns and praying.
Tell your members that the tears we shed and the bonds we make with people, with other humans, does not equate to the “joy” of paying money from your paycheck to the church to be considered “worthy” of a temple recommend.
How DARE the church try to place a claim on “joy.”
How DARE they!
We no longer believe in becoming “spiritually” and “morally” perfect…
We just do our best;
and we understand that we are human.
We no longer criticize ourselves about being sinners,
About falling short.
About having to “repent” daily
About being strict regarding covering our shoulders, not showing our stomachs, making sure we don’t “arouse” the other sex.
About being “worthy” enough to qualify for temple attendance,
About being “worthy” enough to be with our family forever after death.
About if we are “holy” enough in the eyes of God.
No.
We just…
Live.
No strings attached.
No boxes to check.
No “right way” to live life.
We just…
Exist…
And
Live.
No longer worrying that our “obedience” has any correlation to our worth, or our worthiness as humans.
But…
active church members are generally too scared to take the risk;
Whether they realize it or just have that subconscious fear;
Too terrified to lose that “joy” the church promised them because, as the church said,
Joy outside the church, according to them, is “decay…old…wear out…stale…a hollow substitute.”
That the long-lasting joy that’s found in assisting someone who is homeless to get established and back on their feet, the experiences that live with you and carry on with you your entire life is temporary (Sarcasm).
So of course members are too scared to try and experience what it’s like outside the church;
The church fear mongers them into truly believing life within the church is the only way to go.
That they won’t experience “true, long-lasting” joy outside the church.
But they’re wrong.
And telling people that the only way to long-lasting joy is through the church,
Is just yet another manipulation tactic to get people to stay;
To contribute their $10%.
To stay in a box that the church can control.
And it works.
I mean, it worked on us for a very long time.
Until one day
When we finally broke free.
So just to be VERY. CLEAR.
We aren’t confusing pleasure with happiness.
Our happiness has not been temporary outside of the church.
Our experiences with happiness and deep, deep joy
Has not endured for “only a short time.”
The experiences we have had will never leave us…
And have vastly changed us for the better, as humans.
But still;
People allow fear to restrict them from even trying to venture outside of the box they were raised in.
And even then, if it’s not fear,
It’s the community and culture they’ve known their entire lives that feels scary to leave behind; to outgrow the safety blanket you’re so very accustomed to.
It’s family members you’re terrified of losing.
It’s doctrinal threats from the church that you’ll be cut off from a higher power and from your loved ones in the afterlife.
The church likes to act like it is the only way to true joy…
But one Religous organization does not have the authority to claim that they are the only path to “long-lasting” joy and happiness.
You can focus on love without religion.
You can focus on service without religion.
You can focus on being a good person without religion.
You can focus your life on joy without religion.
Despite what the Mormon church will tell you.
And how do we know that?
Because we are CURRENTLY LIVING IT.
Life is life.
It’s going to have times where you don’t always feel happy and joyful.
It’s normal to not feel a deep sense of peace and happiness and joy all the time.
But the church acts like it’s not normal;
The church spins and twists the normal human reality and experience of the ups and downs of regular life…
…into their own crooked agenda of “here, you can be happy! With us! In this church! Contributing your $10% each paycheck! Forever!”
But it’s all a lie.
People don’t go around just searching for the obscure topic of “happiness” all the time, 24/7.
People don’t normally wake up saying “for my search of happiness today, I’m going to…XYZ.”
The vast majority of people aren’t just wallowing around life with the main goal of finding the obscure meaning and feeling of happiness.
The church makes it sound like those who aren’t a part of the church,
Spend their days wallowing around searching for something that can never be found…
Like those guys in the movie “soul.”
No.
The vast majorly of people
Are not hyper-fixated on “finding true, long-lasting happiness.”
They’re just….
Living their lives.
Well,
Maybe except for Rainn Wilson, lol.
And even then,
it’s been fascinating so see how people from all over the world
Find true, long-lasting joy;
Without the Mormon church.
And idk;
Rainn Wilson seems like he’s been having fun searching for happiness;
And not necessarily “exhausting” himself trying to find happiness where he “will never find it,”
As the church states.
It’s manipulative for the church to make its members believe that all of us outside the church are all depressed, miserable, seeking a joy “we will never find.”
That we don’t have “Full joy.”
What propaganda.
Only…
Sadly…
It does work on some people…
And keeps them stuck in that box.
Why are we so focused on the mystery (that’s been a mystery for AGES) of what happens after DEATH,
And why are we NOT focused on what we KNOW is real, and true?
On the life that is RIGHT in front of us?
On the PRESENT?
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/1990/10/purity-precedes-power?lang=eng
The church doesn’t want its members to live in the present moment.
It doesn’t want members to have time to really think about how life actually is;
To take the time to see and evaluate reality;
No…
They want their members to remain ignorant;
To not question the church,
To spend their entire life focusing on an unknown, undetermined life allegedly after death…
To keep its numbers up.
To keep money rolling in.
To distract their members from seeing reality as it truly is.
To keep you brainwashed.
To have you focus on baseless things such as having a glass of wine at an enjoyable dinner and see that as “sin,”
Rather than focusing on the beauty of human connection and the reality of the moment that’s occurring right in front of you;
To get you to focus on “that’s wrong, that’s sinful, that won’t get me to heaven!”
Instead of
“How beautiful it is to be here, right now, not a care in the world; to just be present right here with all of my beloved friends and family.”
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2023/10/51nelson?lang=eng
Because how dare we, as humans, enjoy a glass of wine
How dare we enjoy a nice big meal
How dare we enjoy a social gathering and party full of all of our loved ones.
How dare we focus on dancing to the music, being merry, and enjoying being alive!
How dare we focus on “earthly” joys; and live in the moment,
Instead of focusing on some unknown, undetermined afterlife and worrying if we’ll make it in to that fantasy world or not.
So…
Your joy is valid.
Your joy is real.
And the church doesn’t have to validate your joy,
For it to be long-lasting,
Enduring,
And
Real.
–
Imagine shaming someone for leaving the church –
Because they don’t believe that the Mormon church has a monopoly on long-lasting, eternal joy.
